Sample Chapter for 'Let's talk Dirty


     It was decided that if alcohol was ever needed for Dutch courage, Friday night was the night. Jenny had her bottle of whisky and Laura, her weekend bottle of red wine. Karen had considered not drinking at all, but safe in the knowledge she had never been addicted to wine in the same way as she had been to brandy, she brought along a bottle of Chardonnay.
 
     All week long they’d chatted on the phone in anticipation of doing what they’d talked about so much, but now the time had actually come, they were all scared to death. The interviews they all had with their chosen companies during  the week had given them several pointers, as had their research, but the thought of actually putting it into effect was a completely different ball game. What if they got a complete pervert as their first caller? Laura assured them that the research she had done made that highly unlikely.

     'We can always put the phone down if we can't cope,' she suggested. 'I'm sure, at our age, there's not going to be anything we can't handle. I think I'm more likely to burst out laughing if somebody says something over the top.'

     Because Karen’s account was the only one to be activated in time, they had no choice but to use her log-in details. She had chosen the name Sharon, after Sharon Stone, and her profile described her as a pert breasted, bed-headed blonde, who just loved playing any role the caller fancied. The profile picture she’d chosen to represent her showed all the aforementioned physical attributes, plus full, glossy, pink lips. Just so the other two could get into character for the first night when they would have to pretend to be her, Karen had printed off her profile picture, put it in a frame, and plonked it on Jenny’s antique, pine coffee table as soon as she arrived.
 
     ‘What do you think? Karen asked as the other two studied the picture of her alter ego.
 
     Laura thought it represented her really well. Jenny wasn’t so sure. With one eyebrow raised, she crossed her arms in front of her before answering.
 
     ‘Apart from the boobs, she looks a lot smaller than you, Karen. I thought you’d have chosen a model who was a bit bigger.’
 
     Karen shook her head. ‘Well, that’s where you’re wrong. In my mind, I am much thinner. Kind of the smaller version of me wrapped up in an alien’s body. Anyway, by the time I’ve been doing this for three or four months, I’ll be just as slim as Sharon… Just you wait and see.’
 
     The other two didn’t look convinced. Despite the odd attempt at some kind of crash diet, Karen had never shown any inclination to lose weight properly. She would lose a few pounds initially, but then put it all back on, plus a few extra pounds as well. It would seem that every diet Karen tried, she ended up bigger. When she saw the expression on their faces, Karen burst out laughing.
 
     ‘What? Don’t you believe I can do it?’
 
     It was Jenny’s turn to shake her head.
 
    ‘No, it’s not that I don’t believe you can do it. It’s just a surprise, that’s all. I thought your weight didn’t bother you. God knows how many times I've tried to get you to diet. What’s motivated you to do it at last?’
 
     Karen had no difficulty explaining that one, although she wasn't prepared to tell the others. Her epiphany the week before had opened her eyes as to how much she had let herself go, whilst blaming it on everyone else. She had at last risen above the ’woe is me’ stage, and wanted to get fit and healthy at last. She’d already introduced all the right ingredients into her eating habits so now, hopefully, all she had to do was cut out all the crap… and the brandy, of course.
 
     ‘Let’s just say I’m looking forward to being a lot fitter in the future, and in more ways than one. Practicing all this sexy chat has brought that side of my personality back to life, so I’d like to have the body to match it.’
 
     Jenny gave her a high five. ‘Halle-bloody-lujah! I thought it would never happen. It would be great to get the old Karen back.’
 
     Karen grimaced and looked back at her friend. She’d thought long and hard about the ‘old’ Karen, and it wasn’t something that gave her a lot of pleasure.
 
     ‘Ah, about that… There’s just one thing I’d like to ask. I’m doing this for me, not because of you going on about it. I don’t want any negative comments if it doesn’t happen as fast as it should, or if I fall off the wagon occasionally. I need to look forward to being a new me if this is going to happen, not look back with longing to the old Karen before I put on this weight. Comprende?
 
     ‘Comprende!’ Jenny agreed immediately, before giving Karen another high five.
 
      ‘So how about you, Laura? Do you think your character matches your profile?’ Karen asked.
 
     Laura hadn’t brought her picture along because she didn’t think it necessary, but she nodded and told them she thought it did. The image she’d picked was probably a few years younger than her, but physically very similar. Her character, Jane (after Jane Seymour) had short dark hair, and a bust bigger than expected in relation to her waist and hips. Her image also boasted a pair of beautifully made-up, pouting, red lips.
 
     ‘And what’s your character into?’ Jenny asked. ‘Not too motherly, I hope.’
 
     Laura burst out laughing. ‘No, I decided against that when I was filling in the questionnaire and I was asked if I would accommodate callers with an Oedipus complex. When I said I wanted to be motherly, I didn’t actually imagine there were guys out there who wanted to screw their mother. I really don’t think I could handle that!’
 
     Jenny couldn’t agree more ‘What about guys who are much younger than you? Do you have a problem with that?’
 
     ‘To be honest, I thought I might, but I think the idea of a younger guy fancying you is really funny. Colin was six years older than me, so it should be an enlightening experience when it happens.’
 
     Laura and Karen then looked at Jenny to hear about her profile description, so she just turned on her laptop to let them look at it themselves. They both decided it was perfect. Jenny had called herself Rene, after her screen idol, Rene Russo. Like Jenny, the model had shoulder length, copper coloured hair, a great bust, and a ‘come hither, if you dare’ type expression. Like Laura’s alter ego, Jenny’s was probably a couple of years younger than her, but she had a feistiness about her that represented Jenny’s character perfectly.
 
     ‘So, what’s Rene into?’ Laura asked. ‘Are you still going to be a dominating female who spanks men’s bottoms and makes them beg for mercy?’
 
     Jenny chuckled. She had debated long and hard when she filled in the application form on line. She didn't hate men per say, just men who used women to look after their children while they did exactly what they wanted. That had been her experience but she appreciated all men were not the same. She just hadn't met one who wasn't.

     ‘No, I decided that might be too limiting. I’m pretty much up for anything, except for the gross things like screwing dead bodies and people who want to suffocate you. Apparently, there are some really sick bastards out there, and I for one, don’t want to play out their fantasies-–however much money it brings in!’
 
      The other two couldn’t agree more. They had all been surprised by some of the questions they’d had to answer on the application form, many of which they had to look up on the internet before they could. Fortunately, they’d been able to put crosses against the things they thought they couldn’t cope with, and ticks against the things they could. They didn’t doubt they might get braver as time went by, but they didn’t want to be put off the whole idea before they gained some confidence.
 
     ‘Anyway, I think we’ve talked about it enough. Am I going to log on or not? I think it’s time we got this over with, don’t you?’ Karen suggested.
 
     Laura and Jenny agreed. All three of them filled their glasses before she logged on. For the first time in three weeks, they sat there without saying a word. Five minutes later, the silence was broken by their laughter. They’d expected the phone to ring immediately, but it didn’t. They had all chosen lower paying chat lines on the basis there would be calls queuing up. Obviously, that wasn’t the way it worked.
 
     ‘Well, I’m going to the loo,’ Karen decided after ten minutes.
 
      As soon as she went upstairs, Laura’s mobile started to ring.
 
     ‘Michael!’ she announced as she held the phone up in the air to show Jenny, before making a hasty retreat to the back door and the privacy of the garden.

     As if on cue, the house phone rang five seconds later.

‘Shit!’ Jenny cried out.
 
     Not answering it wasn’t an option because they would be fined if they didn’t answer a call after they’d logged on, so she took a gulp of whisky and soda, before picking up the phone and pressing the answer button.
 
     ‘Hello…’ she answered hesitantly. Rene…. Sorry, Sharon speaking. How can I help you this evening?’
 
     She could feel the beads of sweat forming on her brow as she waited for the caller to say something.
 
     ‘Do you fancy having a pee?’ the middle-aged, male voice at the other end of the line asked.
 
     Jenny took a deep breath before she got off the sofa and made her way towards the hallway, just as Karen came down the stairs.
 
     ‘A pee?’ she repeated parrot fashion as she stared back at her friend, her eyes almost out on stalks. ‘Eh, yes, I’m desperate for one…’
 
      Karen stuck her thumb up in the air before rotating Jenny around back towards the sofa. She then collided with Laura when she ran into the kitchen to grab a jug and bowl off the sideboard.

      ‘A punter wants Jenny to pee… but we’ll have to help her because she went to the loo before I logged on,’ she told Laura as she ran the tap in the kitchen sink.
 
      Laura grabbed the bowl and they both scurried back to the living room to see Jenny sitting back down on the sofa with a demented look on her face.
 
     ‘Yes, I’m pulling my panties down now… What do you want me to do next?’ she asked before she grimaced and looked over at Karen and Laura.
 
     There was a moment’s silence as Jenny listened. ‘Ah, you want me to pee all over you? …No problem. Where would you like me to start?’  She frantically gestured to the other two to bring the jug and bowl closer to the phone.
 
     ‘Over your balls…right…’ she repeated as she screwed her face up. ‘Just wait a second… Ah, here it comes…’
 
     Laura held up the bowl while Karen slowly trickled the water into it.
 
     ‘God, that feels so good…’ Jenny groaned as she tried to suppress the laughter. ‘Do you want me to stop?’
 
     He obviously didn’t, because Jenny started waving her hand again to make Karen pour some more water into the bowl.
 
     ‘On your tummy?’ she purred. ‘Oh yes, I feel so much better now. What a relief…’
 
     Laura and Karen stood there like two demented prop handlers awaiting instruction. Jenny seemed to be totally in control of the situation, and more importantly, aware of the fact that the punter at the other end was getting very close to the point when he would probably end the call. Her mind went into overdrive as she tried to work out how to keep him on the line a little bit longer.
 
     ‘Oh, Darling, I so want to rub it into your skin before I finish. Can I do that?’
 
     The answer was obviously affirmative, because she started groaning and telling him how good it felt to be sliding her wet hands across his body. After another three minutes, she realised he probably wouldn’t last much longer, so gestured to Laura and Karen again.
 
     That’s it, Baby, I can’t hold it in anymore. Are you ready?’
 
     Laura and Karen both smirked as they nodded their heads and held the bowl next to the phone.
 
     ‘Here it comes…’ she sighed into the earpiece as Karen poured what was left of the water into the bowl.
 
     A few moments later, the line went dead. There was total silence for two or three seconds before all three of them erupted with laughter.
 
     ‘Seven minutes, at least!’ Jenny announced. ‘And all I had to do was pretend to pee!’
 
     Laura and Karen immediately gave her a group hug. They’d felt so guilty when they found out she had to take the first call on her own. Truth be known, neither of them thought she would be able to do it at all. Jenny might not have been prepared, but she had coped really well under the circumstances.
 
     ‘I’m so proud of you!’ Karen told her.
 
     Jenny was just about to say that it had been much easier than she expected, when the phone rang again. Their momentary panic was dispelled when Karen confidently grabbed it and pressed the button. It was time to put all her practice sessions to good use.
 
     Hellooo… Sharon speaking. How can I help you tonight, big boy?’
 
     The other two strained their ears in the hope they could hear, so Karen pressed the conference button so they could.
 
     ‘Mmm, well, I’m up for anything, Darling… Do you mind me asking your name?’
 
     He told her his name was John, and that he was feeling very, very, horny.
 
     ‘So what do you want me to do, John? she asked in a sexy, husky voice. ‘
 
      When John told her, Karen raised her eyebrows and smirked back at Laura and Jenny.
 
     ‘Okay, I’m standing at my front door and waiting for you to come in. I must say, you’re looking pretty hot, John. I can’t wait to take you upstairs…’
 
     There was a groan at the other end of the phone after which ‘John’ asked Karen what she was wearing. Laura and Jenny nearly laughed out loud as she started to stroke her joggy bottoms sensually.
 
     ‘Oh, John… You know I always put on stockings and suspenders when you’re coming to my place. They feel so sexy. Can you hear me sliding my hands up and down my legs right now?
 
     By this time Karen had pulled up the bottom of her joggys and exposed her leg, before distractedly inspecting the healing scabs below her knee.
 
     ‘Oh, darling, you’ve made me go all tingly just at the thought of you touching them. You’ve no idea how much it turns me on…’
 
     Karen then proceeded to pick at the top of one of the dried up scabs, which had Laura and Jenny holding their sides with pent up laughter.
 
     ‘Ouch! She cried into the phone when the crusty top got guillotined by her nail.
 
      John asked Karen why she’d cried out, so she had to come up with an impromptu answer.
 
     ‘You pinched my bare arse as you followed me up the stairs, you naughty boy. You love to surprise me, don’t you?’
 
     ‘Oh yes,’ he groaned. Can I do it again?’
 
     Karen could tell by the way he was panting, he was close to the edge, so she tried to stall him.
 
     ‘No, no. Not until we get to the bedroom, John. There are still plenty of things you have to do to me to get me fully aroused…’
 
     ‘But I can’t wait…’
 
     Karen was having none of it. This was her first call, and she was dammed if it was going to be a quickie.
 
     ‘Don’t you dare!’ she almost shouted down the phone at him.  ‘We need to get upstairs!’
 
     Sadly, Karen had played her trump card too early. ‘John’ started to groan uncontrollably until he let out a howl and finished the call.
 
     ‘Bastard!’ Karen shouted after she pressed the red button and threw the phone down on the sofa.
 
     ‘Typical man, only thinking of himself!’
 
     Laura and Jenny burst into spontaneous applause. Karen obviously hadn’t been joking when she’d said she regarded the whole thing as an acting job. She’d managed to put on an Oscar winning performance, albeit a little too early in the conversation. Laura reckoned that if she hadn’t mentioned having her bare bum pinched so soon, she might have strung it out for at least another five minutes.
 
     They all recharged their glasses and waited for the phone to ring again…

 
 
  Site Map